You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
