New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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