i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
