my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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