She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
