I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
