Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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