Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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