Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
