Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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