I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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