Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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