Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Randomize
