we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
