I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
