your parents love me but you hate me
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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