I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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