She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
