how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
