Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
