I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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