this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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