when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
as a side note pls kill me
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
