hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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