Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
