HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
