I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
