Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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