Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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