three words: i give head
three words: not that well
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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