did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
