thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
