Christians are straight up FREAKS
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
