Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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