You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
