Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
