the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
