So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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