I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
