part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
