i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
