when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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