Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
How's work?
Spinning.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize