guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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