meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
