You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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