i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
