I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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