What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize