He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
