you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
