ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
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