At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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