i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
