swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
