sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Randomize
