Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
