i just wanna soil my oats bro
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
