Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
