I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
