38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
