Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
