You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
