Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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