so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
