I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
