I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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