Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He better not be in your backpack
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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