My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
