Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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