I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
