Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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