btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
